Day 52- The Love of a Wife

Today my blog will be short and sweet. I love my husband. I really and truly do. I love the smell of his skin. I love how soft and warm his back feels on my face when I spoon him. I love how his little chest hairs tickle my nose when I lay on him.
Waking up to this beautiful man is pretty much the best ever. The second I open my eyes and come face to face with him, we both smile. And sometimes we giggle because we both know. Most mornings we spend an hour in bed just snuggling and kissing and talking. My mornings are my favorite part of my day. Just wanted to post something positive today and show my badass husband some appreciation.
And also-- he surprised me with tickets to see Wicked tonight.

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Day 46- Oh Valentine's Day

Sorry for the weekend hiatus. I needed some me time.
Yes, yesterday was Valentine's Day. And as much as I WANT to love it, I just don't. I just can't.
Growing up, I loved VD (sorry-- I am too lazy to keep typing it and the acronym makes me giggle). I loved crafting Valentines and picking the right candies for the right people. I loved opening my little Valentines box and dissecting every last one. I loved coming home and seeing the little display my mom had set up for me and my brother with balloons and candy. I loved the aesthetic. Hearts and teddy bears and pink and red. I loved it all.
As I got older, I realized that VD for adults is much different. It becomes stressful and anxiety causing. If you are in a new relationship, you agonize over what to get the other person that will be sweet, but not too over the top. And then you hope that they didn't get you something super extravagant that makes you look like an asshole. If you are in a long term relationship, you feel like each year you have to prove yourself more. And people start expecting rings. There are also those broads that measure their mans love by the gifts she gets for VD. Men everywhere are sweating bullets trying to prepare a night that is supposed to express their feelings through chocolates and dinner and giant stuffed things.
I know that VD is still special for a lot of people-- mostly females. I honestly don't know a man alive that gives a crap about VD. And even if he cares to make it special for his lady-- he still could live without it. But I get it... Something about this day makes people feel all schmoopy.
I honestly feel like it is a forced holiday. When I feel like showing my husband that I care, I show him. And he does the same. He brings me flowers when I am sad, or when the weather changes. He leaves me little love notes when he leaves for tour or when I get home. He gives me kisses and sweet words every day just because. And those little things mean to much more to me than a bunch of crap bought at the supermarket on a day that the world tells you to prove your love.
Maybe I am just a cynical jerk face. Those of you that cherish it can keep it. But the last 7 years I have been VD free and I am loving it.

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Day 25- The Things We Do When Our Men (and Women) Are Gone

As you guys know, Trevor and I travel a lot throughout the year. Which means that I am home alone a lot. Trevor was gone this weekend so it made me think of all of the things I do in secret when he is gone. I laugh at myself constantly.

First-- I watch ALL of the bad TV. Like, the worst. Marathons of Real Housewives and Bad Girls Club and any other terrible reality show about bitchy women I can find.

I also don't do the dishes. At all. And sometimes I don't even rinse them when I put them in the sink. Which when Trevor is home, makes him mad enough to kill.

I also leave my dirty underwear in a pile on the bathroom floor. Along with assorted tops, shorts, and gym clothes.

I also pile clothes on the foot of the bed. If I am getting dressed and discarding options, they always go in that pile. I also put clothes that I take off but aren't dirty there too. And they just lay on my feet while I sleep. 

Apart from being a total slob, I also have weird habits.

I am afraid of a dark house alone and we have an old house so it creaks. This means that I have a very precise way of turning the lights off when I go to bed. I turn the furthest lights from our room off first. I keep the hall light on until the very last second so that I do not have to withstand any kind of darkness for any length of time.

I also keep the bed made when I am sleeping. Trevor sleeps like a savage and the sheets are always a mess in the morning. But I sleep like a lady and rarely move at night so I just get out of bed and pull my side of the covers up and voila! The bed is made still!

Oddly enough I still sleep on my side of the bed. I don't know why I do this when I have a full bed to spread out in. I think it is 7 years of routine.

I also don't wear pants. A lot. If I go sans pants when Trevor is home, I will get zero work done because he will be fondling me like a 15 year old boy all day. But when he is gone, all of my bits are free to roam and I can still get my business done.

My favorite thing to do when Trevor is gone is NEVER closing the bathroom door. I am a very private bathroom person. So when he is home and I need to do anything in there, the door closes behind me. But when he is gone, oh man... That door is permanently open and holy moses, it is liberating!

I am sure there are all kinds of other weird little things that I do, but these are the ones I can think of now. 

I miss my husband when he leaves, I really, really do. But man, it is fun to have single lady rituals.

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Day 15- My New Ring

Today I was awoken at 9am by the doorbell. My eyeballs flew open, I tossed the covers off of me, bolted to the door and flung it open to find a terrified Fedex driver holding the box that contained my new ring. That poor man. But I GOT A NEW RING!
This was something I have been thinking about for a while. I loved the ring that Trevor proposed to me with and put on my finger when we said our vows, and it has so much sentimental value... But my heart has always yearned for an antique ring. I know that upgrading is a common thing women do on milestone anniversaries so I presented the idea to Trevor last year and was actually surprised by his initial reaction. Sometimes I forget that he is a man. He was sort of hurt. And it made me feel terrible! He thought that me wanting a new ring meant that the one I had somehow wasn't good enough. Wasn't big enough, or flashy enough. Or that he hadn't picked the right one. I didn't look at it like that at all! I explained to him my reasons for wanting a new (old) ring and he said he understood but still seemed bothered so I told him to forget about it and I forgot about it too. Definitely wasn't a big deal!
A few weeks ago we were laying in bed and he rolled over and told me that he wanted me to buy myself that new ring. That at the end of the day, its going to be on MY finger forever and either way, we are still married. We had a little chat and decided that it was the right decision so I started looking for rings and within a few days I found the one that spoke to my heart.
I was thinking about selling my old ring to help pay for the new one. But when I had it appraised, the idea became too real and so I sealed it up a little plastic bag and tucked it away in my little safe. The sentimental value is worth more than the dollar amount. That is the ring that he put on my finger when we said our vows. It's got its own history even though it isn't an antique.
I like sparkles. I like antiques. This ring is an art deco piece from the 1920s and it makes me happy when I look at it. It is also kind of romantic that this ring has its own hidden history. To me a ring is a symbol. It is a place holder. It is the lights and the curtains and the dancers. It isn't the script. I could have a piece of string tied around my finger and my heart would still feel exactly the same about my beautiful husband. I feel the same way about the marriage license. It's the business side of a marriage. Every morning I wake up to his smiling face with no ring on my finger and nothing changes. Tonight when Trevor gets home, we are going to have our own little secret ring ceremony and say some new vows to swear this pretty little sparkler into our life. We live life by our own rules.

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Day 5- Marriage

Marriage.
What a weird concept.
You spend your whole life with one person-- experience all of the joys and hardships together-- and are expected not to kill each other. Huh.
Seriously though, I love my husband. I love him with every last fiber in my body. More than I ever thought I could love another human being. We have been together for nearly 7 years and I still get butterflies when I hear him coming home from work. We spend probably 70% of our time together kissing, cuddling, and otherwise entwined with each other. We make each other laugh constantly. I genuinely enjoy his company. And not a day goes by without him dipping me and kissing me at least once.
That being said, no relationship (or marriage) is perfect. I get a lot of tags on our photos together like #relationshipgoals or #perfectmarriage and they make me laugh sometimes. Of course all I show anyone publicly are the good times. Why would I post when I want to punch him in the face or back over him with my car? Don't worry-- these moments don't happen often. And I would never actually murder my loving husband. But no relationship is all puppy dogs and rainbows. We have dealt with jealousy, mistrust, miscommunication and other petty bullshit that humans put each other through. We have had a few screaming matches in our day. There was one night ever that we went to sleep in different rooms (later we decided this was really stupid and we never did it again). There are times when I just need to retreat to a room alone and cool down. Once or twice I have shown up on my best friends stoop crying.
These things are normal.
It is what happens in the aftermath that determine the feasibility of your relationship.
The one thing I can say above all, is that Trevor is an immaculate communicator. If something feels weird, or one of us is mad, or off-- he is the first to say "what is going on here? Let's talk about it." And getting from point A (the problem) to point B (the solution) isn't always easy and there are usually some speed bumps. But talking it through works 10 times out of 10.
I know I am lucky to have the man that I do. I know that a male communicator is a rare spectacle indeed. But I also believe that even if it doesn't come naturally to your man (or lady!), it is the trying that counts. A relationship is a 50/50 partnership between two people and it never works if both people don't both put in the work.
Not sure what the point of my post is today. I guess I just wanted to let you know that my husband is a rare gem and I love him to pieces.
But he is still a shithead.

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