This morning I woke up to find a post in a Facebook group that I follow that was meant to be kind and respectful. It was by a man that puts on a large festival thanking the two women that work for him and telling the public how much they do for him. This festival is at least one of the gals full time jobs. JOBS. The photo he chose was a promo pic from a denim line of both of them. And yes, they both happen to be mega babes.Here is where I was shocked. I scrolled through the comments and while a lot of it was just general "Wow! They are pretty" and other generally supportive posts, there was a good handful of posts that alluded to wanting to have sex with these women. There were posts from people that were shocked the man posting could get any work done without wanting to have sex with these girls constantly. There were even posts talking about being on top of them and under them. I was absolutely disgusted.
Being the general loud mouth that I am, I had to speak. I made a post saying that I thought the sexist comments were rude and uncalled for and that I doubted these men would like it if other men talked to their moms and daughters like that. The post was about the work place merits of these women. It literally made NO mention of their looks or physical attributes. In my opinion, what they look like shouldn't have mattered at all to anyone reading. But ok, I get that people will comment nice things when they see hot babes. And that is cool.
So anyway, fast forward to about an hour ago... A comment pops up from a gal telling me to mind my own business and that there are thousands of women ALL over the world that would be OVERJOYED to have men talk about them in a sexually explicit way because it makes them feel good. (yes, these were her actual words) And also, that if they didn't want to be talked about that way, they wouldn't have worn tight, revealing clothing in the photos (they were wearing jeans and t-shirts). She then told me to stop acting like a delicate flower. How DARE I be offended about verbal sexual abuse. Gosh, my bad! She ended her rant by telling me to stop "sucking the fun out of life." And then, the icing on the cake, she said "Feminists, lol."
I just can't. If being sexually harassed by weird, older, strange men on the internet is the "fun" in life, then yes, by all means, I will suck that right out of my life. Come to think of it, any man that makes these comments on the internet-- regardless of what they look like. I find it hard to believe that there are many women on this earth that enjoy men talking about being on top of them on a post that their BOSS posted about their work merits. I would be horrified if these comments were presented in front of my boss. There are laws set forth in work places against this behavior. Because it is WRONG. Also, just because SOME people don't find racist remarks offensive, doesn't mean they are ok. I don't get this logic, at all.
I just don't understand women like this. Feminism isn't a dirty word. Standing up for our sexual rights and also wanting to be treated respectfully and professionally shouldn't make me a delicate flower. It should make me an educated, thoughtful, outspoken woman.
There IS a line between kind and disrespectful and I will never stop protecting my sisters from this disgusting behavior. It is NOT ok.
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Well said!
ReplyDeleteThank you!!! It isn't even anything to do with feminism, although I do consider myself a feminist. It's common decency. On second thought, it *is* about feminism. It's about wanting to be respected for who you are and what you do, not winning the genetic lottery. How any of us look is determined by the genes our parents pass on to us. Who we are is determined by how we live our lives and treat others, and that is what I want to be known for.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you! I get so upset with inappropriate remarks like the ones you referred to, that I wouldn't even know where to begin!
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister!!! Unfortunately there are a lot of women that hurt the feminist cause. I have met many women that are anti-feminist and it baffles me.Why wouldn't you want women to have equality and respect if you are a woman?! Thank you for taking a stand for those ladies that were being disrespected :)
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is, a lot of women are under the impression that any attention from men is good attention. It speaks a lot about how some women are raised, or brainwashed, into believing that the only value we have is our looks, and it's a sad statement about how, for some women, their self-esteem is dependent upon whether or not they are worthy of sexual harassment.
ReplyDeleteThese women have been taught that feminism is a bad thing because, instead of allowing men to determine our worth by deciding how bedable we are, they would actually have to determine their own self worth themselves, and to women with low self-esteem that's a monumental responsibility.
Thank you for speaking up on what you see as wrong.
Sorry, didn't mean to go anonymous. I accidentally logged out.
DeleteSociety still perpetuates the notion that women aren't worthy of anything until they are worthy of a man's pants feels. Also, it angers me that when someone brings up the "what if this were your mom, daughter, wife, sister?" to make people see how gross they are being it just shows that there is ZERO respect for women as people. You have to go to the extreme of using their personal lives to get them to respect women period, it means they don't even respect those people, that men own women.
ReplyDeleteThat gal who spoke up in defense of gross men, we call her a "chill girl", a woman who throws women under the bus in order to gain attention and praise from men. She is no friend to women, certainly not to Feminism. I see this crap constantly, my brain is numb to it now. Great job in holding your own against men.
A few months ago I posted that I just had enough of strangers that I have to pass after college and work. Strangers that pull their tongue out and lick ther lips, or give me an air kiss. Thats unwanted. No one wants that. And I spoke out against Cat Calling. One of my (now ex) FB friends said I should take it as an compliment. I think he is one if the men who really thinks this is positive for women. And that we should be thankful. Yes. I am so thankful for the unwanted sexual attention of complete strangers after a hard day of work. Thats all what my life is about. Beeing thankful for beeing sexually harassed. We never stop speaking out against this behaviour!
ReplyDeleteThis post made my Saturday morning. Very well said! If we stop caring about this stuff, or more confusingly start agreeing with it, then quite simply we're slowly eroding all the hard work of the amazing feminist women who got us where we are today.
ReplyDeleteThis post made my Saturday morning. Very well said! If we stop caring about this stuff, or more confusingly start agreeing with it, then quite simply we're slowly eroding all the hard work of the amazing feminist women who got us where we are today.
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ReplyDeleteWell said Cherry! I don't usually comment, but this is one of my fave posts by you. Thank you for bringing it up and having such right on views about this subject. You always espouse dignity for yourself and other women. Thank you for identifying yourself as a feminist. It really blows my mind that any woman wouldn't but sadly it is the case.
ReplyDeletePreach!
ReplyDeleteThis post is right on, in every possible way. Good for you for not letting this kind of sexist bullshit slide, and it makes me sad to think that there are so many women out there who have bought into the idea that all their worth is tied to their looks, and who see behavior like those guys as validating. Ugh!!
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU!!!!! women like that one scare me....hey weird lady on the internet - no you do not speak for all of us! I don't find that kind of attention appealing at all. The more I come across it the more guarded I feel I have to be and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not feeling safe.
ReplyDeletewell, people can choose to be 'offended' about pretty much anything.If someone sits around or just chases up comments on a controversial topic that's down to them.About educated people, Bertrand Russell said education teaches educated people to be more humble.This kind of holds water as the most educated people i've known hardly boast about their achievements.
ReplyDeleteRight on girl.. I agree with you 100%. There is no excuse to be disrespectful to ANYONE.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, of course everyone likes a compliment, anyone who says they don't like a compliment is just plain lying - because we all like our egos stroked now and then, let's be real, it's human nature!
ReplyDeleteBUT there is a BIG difference between a compliment and offensive sexual harassment, and it is people like that girl who wrote to you and ranted to you about it being OK is just a part of the big problem that women face not only online, but in every day life! It's attitudes like that, which makes anyone who stands up for herself or other women when they are being verbally abused essentially, either back off and not try it again, or just become a part of "those silly feminists - bless them....they do try"
Another thing is, saying "if they didn't want to be talked about that way, they wouldn't have worn tight, revealing clothing in the photos" is just one small step away from "well, if she hadn't been wearing a short skirt then she probably wouldn't have been raped!" - what is wrong with people??
Maybe some people do like being spoken to that way, fine! I mean it astounds me that anyone would take pride or joy in some person they have never met - nor do they know who these people even are - ogling them and wanting to describe the explicit thing they would do to them, but if that floats yer boat then that's fine by me, it doesn't affect me. But telling someone they are wrong or stupid for thinking something else - well there is a lot of that going on in the world at the moment - but it is just plain ignorant and incredibly frustrating. Women like her make me ashamed for our gender, that she can be so closed-minded, rude, disgusting and sexist against her own sex!
that rant went a bit longer than anticipated....sorry haha I just have a lot of feelings on this particular subject. Love your post as always Cherry! Keep fighting the good fight and keep smiling! xxx
Right on, sister! I admire how much you support and stand up for women, Cherokee. Creeps making sexist remarks, either in real life or on the Internet, can make women feel unsafe and disrespected. There is absolutely a difference between complimenting a gal's work achievements or telling her she looks lovely vs. reducing her to a sex object while completely disregarding all the qualities that make her amazing. Thank you for this post and for being a rad lady! xoxo Brittany
ReplyDeleteGood for you for speaking up! Not always easy when you know it's probably gonna draw negative attention. But super important to call out that kinda bullshit. Hopefully that woman will drag herself outta the dark ages some day.
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