Thursday, January 14, 2016

Day 14- Finding my Place

Oh hi guys. This is officially the start of my second week as a blogger. I did it!
If you guys follow me on youtube, you probably saw the video I posted this week about feeling a little lost. Around the holidays I started getting sucked under by depression and anxiety about where my future is headed. I am generally a pretty positive person, but man, I was struggling bad!
Doing what I do is fun-- it is! But it is also monumentally stressful. Every single morning that I wake up I think "Ok, how am I going to pay my bills this week." I have my hand in multiple honey pots trying to make it all work. And for the most part, I have an amazing time and feel like what I am doing is worthwhile.
It is just the adulating part of it that is stressful. Anyone that works for themselves or  works freelance understands this struggle. No health insurance. No 401k. No paid vacation. No sick days. No job security. It is a scary world! It is also kind of stressful trying to be everywhere all at once. I answer all of my emails, most of my comments, all of my messages... Plus trying to book all of my tours, film and edit my videos, etc. It is a lot of work for one solitary person with no assistant!
I have ridden the youtube wave for the last few years. And when I started, there was a lot of money to be made in the land of youtube. But in the last few years, youtube has changed how they distribute advertising money and the funds are being stretched too thin for the average person to really profit anymore. If you are thinking of quitting your day job to be a youtube millionaire, I would advis
e another hair brained scheme. I started doing my hair and makeup tours as a way to meet all of the lovely ladies that follow me and also to supplement my income. For a few years it was great!
But now I feel that all of this is starting to slow down a little. And I am stuck with that age old question... what is next??
I have a business degree (and a drug and alcohol counseling degree) and honestly I have no urge (or financial ability) to go back to school ever. A lot of people suggested opening a brick and mortar store selling rockabilly stuff and my vintage clothing that I sell on etsy. This would be great if I lived in the Midwest where rent is basically nothing. But I live in LA where rent can be $10k a month. I just can't afford to open a store-- as fun as it would be!
I know there is no quick and easy answer. I did enjoy reading a lot of the suggestions I got on youtube though. And some of them actually did give me some new ideas.
Who knows where life will take me. My anxiety has started to get better though. I know whatever I do, I will land on my feet. And if I lose everything and become homeless, I can live with you guys right?

26 comments:

  1. If you get the time, I hope you'll read my comment on youtube about how I think you should write a book ( or several)! If this idea is not for you, I hope you take solace in my little life theory...here it goes. Change is inevitable, and sometimes great things in our life come to an end. I firmly believe that this change is clearing the path for you to do bigger and better things with your life. Now you're probably thinking, "Yeah, easier said than done." Change is always difficult and stressful and sometimes we just want to give up! But, while I don't know you personally, I feel that you are strong, willful, and smart as hell! So I am confidant that you will end up doing something better than you could have even imagined. In the meantime, you could always come live with me :-) Thank you for all you do for us gals, you're amazing and I'm excited to see whats next...p.s. love the blogs!

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    1. If one person was ever unafraid of change-- it is me! Haha. I actually embrace change fully. I thrive off of it. The book idea was actually presented by a few gals and something I have been toying with. :)

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  2. You can certainly live with me and my family haha. Listen, one thing I've learned over the years, that what you are feeling is so normal, it happens to me every couple of years. Someone said to me once, "you are never too old to learn or do something new, go in a completely different direction. What's the worse that can happen? You fail? So WHAT, you get up and try something else. It is better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all"
    I will never forget those words and I've seen and done things in my life that I am so grateful for.
    You cannot be homeless or destitute, you are too resourceful to allow that to happen. Right now, think of the craziest thing you would like to do and after you've fantasized the shit out of it, write down a plan on what it would take to get you there. It's a great exercise and will help you focus on a new and exciting goal. Love ya and I really do wish you the best in WHATEVER you do, you are an inspiration to many and just a nice girl too. And I'll have the sofa bed ready for you just in case ;)

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  4. Hi, I want to say that I understand you completely. Last year I felt the same about the future because here, in Spain, there are no future right now because economic crisis. I'm 29 and I'm with my boyfriend 12 years together. I still live with my parents and he lives with his parents because we have no job or money. I live in a very small city (Badajoz) where there no jobs.
    I've been studying psychology eight years because the university is very expensive and I have no money. Last year I was in treatment for depression because all of this. I just want to tell you that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and you can get going slowly and with no pressure. Take a breack, make a list of what you want to get. Sometime, we need just relax, breathe and go step by step (I don't know if there this expression is used). You are a strong woman, you can with all of this and more! PS: Sorry for my very bad English, I used Google Translate hahahaha.

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    1. Leí tu comentario e inmediatamente me identifique. Yo soy de México y la situación aquí es similar, mi novio y yo tenemos titulo univesitario y conseguir un trabajo que te permita estabilidad o la posibilidad de vivir solo es muy complicado pero siempre hay cosas hermosas en la vida. Sigue luchando por tus sueños y verás que logran salir adelante.

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    2. Gracias por los ánimos!! Aquí estamos fatal, no sé como se verá desde fuera, pero es catastrófico. No hay trabajo, y si lo hay, es muy precario. Toda la gente joven que ha estudiado está emigrando porque aquí no hay nada. Hay muchísima corrupción y no ponen remedio. Es desesperante.

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    3. Thank you for sharing your experience and for your kind words. Sometimes other peoples struggles put our own into perspective. :)

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  5. May I ask as to why you got a drug and alcohol counseling degree? That's great that you wanted to help those teenagers out (I saw your 'draw my life' video) but its just I had always heard that only former addicts become counselors. Excuse me if this is too forward...

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    1. It is true that there are many ex addicts that become counselors-- but there are definitely more non-addicts that get into the field. I myself am not an addict, but I have been very close to it so it was something I was passionate about.

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  6. Cherry in the end everything will fix itself in order for you to be happy and learn the most out of life. Work hard and life will give back what you need, don't over stress you are an amazing and positive person and an inspiration to a lot of people, you will see that all that light will be payed back and if not you are always welcome at my home. I hope you feel better, hugs.

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  8. Some people aren't meant to work a 9-5 and have a 401k and two weeks paid a year. I chose to not have all that so I could have a job with soul! A job that made me happy, or at least not unhappy. There is a lot to be said for being able to be creative and a lot that people are missing out on by working 8 hours a day 5 days a week, repeat for 40 years. When I'm old I want to say, yes I did that, ALL that! Think what a story you'll have to tell!

    So What could I see you doing?
    Writing. You're smart and well read, so write!
    Clothing design
    marketing, mentoring pin up/rockabilly based companies
    starting a new ska band
    You're a hard worker and super down to earth, you have a ton of people in your corner, whatever you choose, it will be great!

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    1. also please keep being Cherry dollface and doing video's and stuff, 'cause I lurve you!!!

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    2. Okay that's it, let's start a 2 tone ska band together

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  9. Pleeeeeeeeeeease don't stop doing the videos T-T
    I finally could find myself because of you! Here in Brazil, the vintage thing is not very popular but it has been growing in the last few years. And it was very hard for me a few years ago, the awkward teenager that liked old stuff, listened to old music and had few friends. But because of you I could find people that are like me, and also share the pin up style. I think that what you do is maybe bigger than you see, and the message that you're leaving for all of us is amazing.
    I really would like to bring your tour to Brazil, but the economy is not cooperanting and the currency exchange is too high. :(
    But don't give up!

    xo
    Gabi

    PS: what about your own clothing line? ;)

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  10. Hi Cherry , I went back to school to get my RN , still working at it too! How about grants and scholarships ? Maybe a few student loans if that's not out of the question? It's hard work but as hard as you work I'm sure you could manage. Even if you considered returning to school what would you major in , just curious;)

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    1. I spent 8 years of my life in college. Definitely not interested in going back!

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  11. I just want to say that I'm so glad that you've started this Cherry, and I think its a really positive thing that you are doing. You are truly one of my heroes! I was suffering super bad with depression and anxiety last year and I came to your Manchester tour and did the photoshoot, it was one of the first times i'd ventured outside in a while, you inspired me so much and I now blog, write articles for magazines and model! I definitely still have my down days buts its nice to know that we are all human and all need support from time to time, I have every faith that you will find what you want to do in life, and it always does get better in the end, much love xx

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  12. Hi Cherry, I love following you on FB and YouTube. Perhaps you could do pinup/retro boudoir? I have done a few sessions and they are really fun and I paid a lot for them, so I know they are profitable! Or if you are not interested in that, how about a wedding/event hair and makeup gig? Either for yourself or for a salon, or network with local wedding planners and build a relationship with them so they would refer clients to you? That would still be freelancing, but possibly more steady than the Cherry road show :) but more fun than an 8-5? I have also struggled with depression and anxiety, and there are online counselors out there. Perhaps you would be interested in persuing a MA in counseling? Doesn't sound like school is something you want to tackle (me neither :) but you are so motivating to women and maybe that is your calling: to help people? Best of luck in whatever you do! XO

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    1. I meant to say "pinup boudoir photography"

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  13. I too am a small business owner. I have my own Computer repair business in a very small town. I was fortunate to be an asset to this small town or I would be S.O.L. Making ends meet when you are a stay at home mom who depends on odd jobs to get you through the month. You depend on the income to make life easier. You have your down months, then you have your prosperous months. From one business owner to another. Hang in there as long as you can. Know when you need a break and take one. If it was something you were meant to do, then the universe will help you reach your goals. I am a firm believer of not forcing yourself in a direction you weren't meant to go. I read the signs and usually I don't start doing something I know I wasn't meant to because the signs will tell by how smoothly or not so smoothly it will go.

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  14. I too am a small business owner. I have my own Computer repair business in a very small town. I was fortunate to be an asset to this small town or I would be S.O.L. Making ends meet when you are a stay at home mom who depends on odd jobs to get you through the month. You depend on the income to make life easier. You have your down months, then you have your prosperous months. From one business owner to another. Hang in there as long as you can. Know when you need a break and take one. If it was something you were meant to do, then the universe will help you reach your goals. I am a firm believer of not forcing yourself in a direction you weren't meant to go. I read the signs and usually I don't start doing something I know I wasn't meant to because the signs will tell by how smoothly or not so smoothly it will go.

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  15. Gurl! I get it! Working for yourself is so scary! I recently got a part time job that's three days of the week and it's taken SO much pressure off of my photography. It feels more fun and I don't stress as much when I am not booking as many shoots as I did last week. Maybe something super part time will help?

    xoxo,
    Tara O.

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Thank you so much for stopping by! Please be nice and kind with your words even if you have something to criticize. I am trying to answer to as many questions as possible but please have some understanding that I cannot answer to all of you. XOXO