Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Day 41- Being The Child of a Teen Mom

If I had a child when my mom had me, I would have a 16 year old right now. Whoa. Let's pump the brakes here.
My mom got pregnant with me when she was 16. I was the kid in Junior High with the mom in her 20s.
I can't say that having a young mom made my life hard, or bad, or damaged me in any irreparable way. Having a young mom was actually pretty awesome. I was given a lot of freedom and a lot of autonomy. I was taught to be a good human and make good choices and then I was allowed to make my own choices without a lot of restriction. Because of this, I think I learned a lot of responsibility and maturity at a young age. Most of my friends weren't allowed to watch PG-13 movies or listen to uncensored music. Those friends were the ones that would come to my house to do all of the bad things they weren't allowed to do at home. Honestly, I think that a lot of my friends were sheltered because they had parents of an age that understood how scary the world was. My mom was too young to have old parent fear!
Mom and dad never hid or measured the alcohol in the house. And I never really cared to steal it. I didn't have much of a curfew, but I didn't want to stay out late and make them worry. I never had to hide if I was going to a party or hanging out with a boy. They trusted me because they raised me right. And knowing what my mom went through having me young, I was damn sure I was never going to be a teen mom. And I wasn't. Hell, I am not even an adult mom yet!
One thing I can say for you young readers... is to think really hard before you put yourself in a situation to have a baby young. You hear all of the obvious things-- they are expensive, they take a lot of sacrifice, they will "ruin" your body, they will take your youth away... And yes, I do believe that these things are mostly true. But one thing you don't hear a lot is what it is like to be the child of a teen parent. And even though I love me, and love the person I am because of the mom I have... I can tell you that the guilt of being a child of a teen parent is not something you want to bestow upon your children. Let me first be clear that my mom would NEVER ever intentionally make me feel guilty. She always tells me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her and I saved her life from going down a dark road. But I also know that my mom would have had all of the potential in the world to do so much more than just be a mom. She is smart, she is funny, she is beautiful. She is a giant pain in the ass-- but mostly just because she is driven and passionate. I think that if she hadn't of had me, she could have had a much different (and maybe better) life. She could have gone to college. She could have been the CEO of Apple. She could have seen the world. She could have had dozens of torrid affairs with mysterious men. She could have done so many things... and I know she would have been great at all of them (especially the torrid affairs). But she will never know who or what she could have been because she chose me instead.
I am not telling you all this to feel sorry for me, or
to defend my moms choices. The way our lives are written are written for a purpose. All I can say is that knowing that my mom chose me over a million other options sometimes bums me out. But honestly... I am pretty fucking awesome. So I still think she chose right.


2 comments:

  1. I understand! My mom also had kids in high school. My older sister at 16 and me a week before her 19th birthday. Sometimes people ask how old my mom is and when I say in her late 50's and we're in our 40's (I'll be 40 next month, ugg!!!), they look at me funny. We are very independent women thanks to her. Now my older sister does get the guilt trips because she's first born and it comes from our grandmother. We know it has to do with the missed opportunities that my mom missed out on since she chose us over those things. I know for my older sister, her kids friends didn't understand that they had great grandparents still alive until my grandfather died back in 2012. My sister made the choice to have her kids young, she was 19 when she had my niece. And in turn, my niece had her son when she was 17. When my grandfather died, I remember my niece telling me her friends were dumbfounded at the fact that she had grandparents and great grandparents, since they never even knew who their grandparents were due to them dying before they were born. My grandfather was a very proud man and was very proud of all his grandchildren, great grandchildren, and great great grandchild. I know that none of us crazy people in my family would be here if it wasn't for my mom choosing my sister at 16.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My grandmother had my mom at 15. My mom had my sister at 16 and then had me at 23 (but just month after her 23rd birthday). There is something to be said about having a young mother. We are all so close. I am 29 (my sister 36) and we still have a great-grandmother. We knew all of our great-grandparents at some point in our lives, actually. I had my daughter when I was 28. I waited until I was married and finished graduate school. However, I can't deny that I often feel sad that my daughter (and future child/ren) will not know their grandparents and great-grandparents for as long as I knew mine, as parents are now in their early/mid-50s and my in-laws in their late 50s. This thought pains me often.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for stopping by! Please be nice and kind with your words even if you have something to criticize. I am trying to answer to as many questions as possible but please have some understanding that I cannot answer to all of you. XOXO