Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Day 33- Being a Difficult Friend

I know I am not an easy person to be friends with. My schedule is crazy hectic. I work for myself, so when things come up, I have to move plans around to accommodate work. I tour a big chunk out of the year too, so I am gone a lot and not an "around everyday" kind of friend.
Mostly though, I sometimes think I am just a difficult human to be friends with. I am not a touchy feely type of girl. By that, I mean, I am not the kind of girl that spills my guts out all of the time and I am not super sensitive to other girls. Sometimes I have to remind myself that a lot of girls are sensitive and need to be handled more softly. I am very type A. I speak my mind. I don't play games. I don't DO passive aggressive. If I am upset, I tell you. And I also don't deal with friend drama well. As I have talked about in previous blogs-- I am not afraid to break up with friends that are too much. I try to be forgiving, but I would rather just cut ties than be stressed out and emotionally drained.
I am also kind of aggressive. When a friend is doing something that seems harmful or bad-- I speak up. And I feel like sometimes this is to my detriment. It is a judgment call. And sometimes I speak before I really think about what I am putting out there. I never mean to offend my friends. And I never want my friends to think I am being bossy or meddling. But sometimes I am-- and I try not to, but I can't help it. I had a friend once that was in a terrible relationship. He would do terrible things, she would come to me crying and telling me it was over, and then a few weeks later, they would be back together. I was always compassionate and there to lean on-- I never judged or told her what to do... but at a certain point I had to tell her to either leave or stop coming to me. I can't watch my friends abuse themselves knowingly.
Sometimes I am a know-it-all. I am really bad at biting my tongue when I know someone is wrong even if it is something small that doesn't matter. I consider myself an intellectual and my brain is ALWAYS working. In a lot of these cases my intellectual brain speaks up before my logical brain can tell me to shut up and let it go. I never back down from an argument or a debate. My mom has called me the Debate Queen since I was little. She laughs when my relatives try to argue with me over dumb things on Facebook because she knows I won't stop until I win. And I won't. I can't. It's an illness.
I am not good with daily friend communication. Working for myself makes me live in a bubble of constant stress and high speed movement. I am always doing 5 or 6 things at once, and sometimes friends just don't fit into my day. That isn't saying that if a friend really needs me, I won't be there. I will. Always. But I don't think to check in with friends on a daily basis. I don't have time for it! I don't always even have time for my husband daily-- although that is easier since he lives with me and can sneak in kisses. I also don't make a habit of kissing my friends. I am not the type of friend that will sit and email you all day about my daily happenings. I don't care about what any of my friends had for breakfast. I really don't.
My best friend and I have talked on the phone maybe twice in the 15 years we have been friends. I am not a phone talker. Her and I can go weeks without texting and months without seeing each other and when we do, it is like no time has passed. I don't know what she is doing day to day. But I do know the big stuff. And I know that if I need her, she is there. And vice versa.
I am appreciative to my friends that have stuck around for so many years
. I don't take them for granted for a second. I know I am sometimes hard to be friends with. But I also know that I am loyal and honest and about as true blue as friends come. I hope that means something to my friends. To those of you reading this that ARE my friends... I love you guys. I know I don't always show it and I am not all mushy gushy... but you guys seriously save my life.
Sorry I missed a few days of blogging. I was up in Big Bear with my best friends for the weekend and I just didn't feel like taking a break from my real life to blog. But I love you internet friends too.
XOXO

13 comments:

  1. I don't know if we would be really good friends together or really horrible ones because I am exactly the same way. It's hard to find friends who understand that, but when you do, they are definitely keepers. I feel like I'm actually a really good, genuine friend, but sometimes it's hard for people to look pass all the other things to see that. But that's ok, it just means I can focus on the friends that get it.

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  2. I am the exact same! I haven't read many of your blogs but the title today intrigued me. I don't see myself as a difficult friend, but I do keep only a few people close. I am probably over opinionated sometimes, but that's just a part of me. I'm also really caring and would bend over backwards for anyone. I think some of the traits you see as difficult are actually to be admired. It means you are a real, true friend.

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  3. I'm the exact opposite of you.I am extremely sensitive with my girls (and guys!) and I do get all touchy feely most of the time.
    However, I'm also an introvert so there are times where I just want to scream at people to leave me alone!
    That said, true friends don't need to constantly be in contact with each other or see each other all the time. Some of the best friendships I have are with people who live on the other side of the planet and I only talk to once a year. A true friendship isn't determined by how much you socialise with each other, but by whether or not you're there for each other when you need it.

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  4. I'm the exact opposite of you.I am extremely sensitive with my girls (and guys!) and I do get all touchy feely most of the time.
    However, I'm also an introvert so there are times where I just want to scream at people to leave me alone!
    That said, true friends don't need to constantly be in contact with each other or see each other all the time. Some of the best friendships I have are with people who live on the other side of the planet and I only talk to once a year. A true friendship isn't determined by how much you socialise with each other, but by whether or not you're there for each other when you need it.

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  5. My best friend is exactly the same than you, I am like sensitive delicate libra and sometimes it's hard to handle her unfiltered comments about my life. Now after 20 years of friendship with my bf, I'm really thankful for her opinions and to have somebody who don't sugar-coat the things I need to hear. So my point in this is, that we all need a friend who is honest and real. And like you said, you don't need to speak every day, or even every month, the true friends stay anyway. All the best, stay real!

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  6. This reminded me of myself so much. It's quite interesting to read about it too, because I sometimes think I am not a very good person to be around of, but what you said spoke to me. It sounds like you would be someone I could get real close to as friends. I lack people like you in my life, don't have many friends as a direct result of my personality, and whilst I understand tough love isn't for everyone, I truly believe honesty is the best gift in life!

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  7. I am 100% with you on this! I had a friend who got all mad at me because I took another friend junking instead of her. She got all mad at me saying we didn't talk in months. But she was busy and I was respecting her space what worse is that she is years older than I am and she acted like a total teenager. I cut her out of my life I wasn't in need of the drama! I have friends that I get together once in awhile because we all have busy schedules and when we do get together it's like no time has past. I enjoyed being in my bubble too!

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  8. I'm just like you. And it's hard because sometimes, my friends come to me with problems and I am brutally honest about what I think. I end up being bossy as well and they say "that's not what I need" and I end up saying that I can't give what they need. I also have a crazy schedule all week and sometimes they don't understand I don't have time / can't deal with anything else. They end up thinking I'm rude ans insensitive, but it's not quite like that. I think that friendship is not just baing a shoulder to cry on, but you also gotta be the person that speaks up when your friend is doing something really stupid. I am that person. But people don't wanna hear that they are wrong even though it's true, and I cannot stop being myself. It's me, it's who I am and I can't change (and don't want to).

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  9. It's as though I wrote this post. I am exactly the same, that's why I only have a small circle of friends. A friend I use to have told me that I am rude not honest. She however is a very sensitive person so like you said sometimes I say stuff from an intellectual point of view or from research I have done without filtering it and this gets misconstrued as rude.
    I can't help asking myself why people are so afraid of the truth and reality...
    It takes all kinds to make the world...

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  10. It's as though I wrote this post. I am exactly the same, that's why I only have a small circle of friends. A friend I use to have told me that I am rude not honest. She however is a very sensitive person so like you said sometimes I say stuff from an intellectual point of view or from research I have done without filtering it and this gets misconstrued as rude.
    I can't help asking myself why people are so afraid of the truth and reality...
    It takes all kinds to make the world...

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  11. No one is perfect....but a lot of the things you mention are not "bad" qualities at all. Honesty, setting limits on drama, speaking your mind, being intelligent & having a busy career. You may not meet the typical expectations of a cookie cutter friendship with other women. But no one really does. Women and men for that matter are each complex and unique. As long as your friends know you respect them and care about them that is the building block of any relationship. Your friends should know your qualities and accept you as you are.
    Yes, the hanging out time is nice. This isn't high school. People have jobs and kids, etc. Being able to do something every week isn't always possible. But letting your friends know "Hey, I still like you and am here if you need me." does help. Also, if you are self-employed it is important to schedule in the down time so you don't get burned out, even if it is just 30 min at a coffee shop with a friend or meeting them for a quick lunch during the work week.

    I am rather like you in not being gushy and am a bit of an introvert (with the same Hermione Granger know-it-all complex). I sometimes have to remind myself that my friends want me to share what is happening in my life with them. They want to feel needed and depended on.

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    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for stopping by! Please be nice and kind with your words even if you have something to criticize. I am trying to answer to as many questions as possible but please have some understanding that I cannot answer to all of you. XOXO