Thursday, January 7, 2016

Day 7- Why I Hate Girls... AKA My Girl Posse

Girlfriends.
Growing up, I always had TONS of girlfriends. Me and my best 4 girlfriends in middle school even dubbed ourselves "The Buttmunches" and had club names (I was Cherokeebler). We had probably a million inside jokes and didn't make any important moves in life without consulting each other (i.e. haircuts, wardrobe changes, crushes).  (right)
When I got to high school, the school boundaries changed so my 4 best friends went to one school, and lonely old me went to another. Around this time, I was starting to get more into punk and being a weirdo... so I didn't relate to a lot of the girls at my new school. But I did relate to a lot of the guys... so they became my new besties. I stopped caring about being cute and shopping and flirting with boys. I was more focused on doing well in school, going to punk shows, and looking as weird as I could. The boys accepted me. They let me be who I wanted without judgment. So I became the "I don't really get along with girls" girl.
Let's be clear here-- I didn't WANT to be that girl. I just felt like I had something to prove since most of my friends were guys. I needed a reason. I needed an explanation. And eventually I started believing it. In my early 20's, this became more evident than ever. I was insecure. SO insecure. So instead of finding girls who I could relate to and building friendships-- I was just a total asshole (more on this in later blogs).
Around this time I met by best friend Caitlin. She was the chick that hung out with all dudes. She played sports. She had a crazy good punk record collection. She liked to go to psychobilly shows. She didn't give a shit about girl drama. One sleepover later and I was completely in love. I didn't know that girls like Caitlin existed! And here we are, almost 12 years later-- still best friends. (left)
In my mid 20s something started to shift. I actually WANTED to have more girlfriends. I wanted to go shopping and have a girl crew at shows and vent about my horrible ex. I watched Sex & the City religiously and yearned to have a group to drink cosmos and talk about dicks with. I could do this with my guy friends-- but it just wasn't the same!
Eventually as the years passed, I amassed a group of lady friends that was awesome (right). And then I moved to LA. Holy moses, let me tell you how hard it is to meet cool, down to earth chick friends in LA. SO HARD. For the first two years I was here, I thought it was hopeless. My best friend screwed me over, my next close friend turned into a drug addict, and after that it was just a chain of flake after flake.
But then something happened... I met one rad chick, and then another, and then another. I started hosting girls nights and encouraging the cool chicks I knew to bring other cool chicks. At one point my house was filed with nearly 30 super rad babes. Now I have a solid crew again. There are about 7 or 8 broads that I consider my closest pals. And it rules. I always have a gal to call when I want to watch a movie and drink wine. Or when I want to go shopping and need help. Or when I want to back over my husband with my car and need to vent (and/or need help).
My girl crew is amazing. It is full of very diverse, smart, driven, hilarious women. None of them take themselves too seriously. They are always down to get silly-- even if that includes a 2am photoshoot in a vineyard in Napa (left). I honestly feel that I couldn't have picked a better group of ladies. If any of you reading this are struggling with wanting/finding girlfriends... My advice is to DO IT!! There is nothing better than the love and support of other women.
Start organizing girls nights. Movie nights. Craft nights. Book clubs. Girls nights out. Just do it and invite whoever you can. You might get some duds. Ok, you WILL get some duds... but odds are you will find some keepers along the way too.
Every girl needs a girl posse.


22 comments:

  1. This. Is. Me. I hung out with boys and went to shows and then 10+ years passed and I now finally have amassed the greatest, goofiest group of girlfriends a girl could have! Oddly it includes 2 of my best friends from nursery school who moved back and fit right in.

    Thanks for this post, it makes me really appreciate the amazing girls I have in my life!

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    1. I love when you reconnect with old friends!

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  2. Ho wow I do hate girls too... I try so hard to get along with them, but all the girls I meet are constantly talking about other people's life and always complaining about theirs. I want to meet people who talk about exciting stuff, and their passions, and their dreams. My closest friends are all guys (no drama, that's great!)... and I'm grateful for having them in my life! But deep inside I want that close girlfriend that everyone has. :(

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    1. It is possible! I suspect you might be in your 20s still by the way you are talking about the girls you are meeting. Don't give up!

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    2. Yep you guessed it right haha! I won't give up, there have to be some cool girls out there somewhere :)

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  3. Growing up, I never had a lot of friends. I am okay with that now. I do have a number of very good female friends to share my life with--the good, the bad and the ugly. Last year around this time a friend suggested that we should have a monthly girls night out. Sometimes it is a girls day out (such as Sunday brunch). We rotate responsibility of hosting/planning the event so each of us lets ourselves shine a little each month with the activity we choose. Sometimes that girls night/day out is the only time we've seen each other all month so it is quite a special time. Sometimes it is all fun and games with an activity like wine/painting and sometimes it is serious conversations over dinner. I'm truly blessed to have them in my life.

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  4. OMG! This was sooo epic! It was like reading myself hahaha. Good to know that I'm not the only one who had this kind of experience. I really enjoy all of this adventure, I started to follow you about 2 years ago and I like how you encourage all of us to be better :) a big hug from a Mexican gal :)

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  5. so cool to find other girls like myself who struggle to make girlfriends. I only have one girfriend but we don't see each other so much because of work and other things. I do wish I could meet more girls and be friends with, but I have had so many bad expiriences with girls that is hard for me to trust someone. I'll keep trying and see were it goes. Love your blog by the way!

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  6. Haha!! Loved this post cherry ! I can totally relate to everything said here . In 23 and have NO girlfriends . Recently stopped talking to the 2 gfs I had , due to lies , and jealousy ... Girls can be so wicked . I've yet to find a really cool down to earth chick like me , who's blunt , honest , and just fun ! I'm sure if all us girls here in the comments met up , we'd make great friends ! Haha !

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    1. Hahah that is a great idea! A Cherry Dollface meet up. Haha

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  7. Funny, my gal pals had a club name too. We were called the "Dry Heaves"...and this was in high school! We passed notes, had sleep overs, and protested prom. Alas, finding awesome girl friends is EXTREMELY difficult after you leave school. Glad you found a sisterhood :)

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  8. Funny, my gal pals had a club name too. We were called the "Dry Heaves"...and this was in high school! We passed notes, had sleep overs, and protested prom. Alas, finding awesome girl friends is EXTREMELY difficult after you leave school. Glad you found a sisterhood :)

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  9. I envy you. It gets harder as you get older to make friends. Harder still if you are on a different life path, harder yet, if like me you are isolated due to anxiety, fibromyalgia, and not out in the work force. I have tried so many times and ways since moving back to California, just seems not meant to be. I am blessed to have online friends and get to chat with friends I had in the past from former places I resided online...I cherish those connections, but do miss getting together with like minded gal pals.Such things are a true blessing.

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  10. I had that "not like other girls" phase, hard. And then in college, I found some girls I really connected with deeply, and it really turned that around for me. :) I'm still friends with plenty of guys too, but I'm so grateful for the close female friends I have.

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  11. Great post. I've been struggling to find good friends...sometimes I think 'is it me'?? I've been on maternity leave & was hoping to have met new ppl but it is so hard.

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  12. Once I moved from California to South Carolina I have had a hard time finding girlfriends. I've been here a couple of years and still don't really have close girlfriends here. It's very hard when you feel different from everyone else

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  13. Once I moved from California to South Carolina I have had a hard time finding girlfriends. I've been here a couple of years and still don't really have close girlfriends here. It's very hard when you feel different from everyone else

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  14. Love! I have a great crew of ladies, but the problem is they are scattered all over the country, with the closest one to me 4 hours away... I know I need to get out and make new friends that I can actually go get coffee and pedicures with .. But damn it's hard ..

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    1. Yes! It is especially hard in LA where a friend that lives 20 miles away can be 2-3hours away depending on traffic. I am lucky now to have a small group that lives on the same side of town.

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  15. I'm still looking for the cool girls to hang out with.. So hard to find..

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Thank you so much for stopping by! Please be nice and kind with your words even if you have something to criticize. I am trying to answer to as many questions as possible but please have some understanding that I cannot answer to all of you. XOXO