Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Day 5- Marriage

Marriage.
What a weird concept.
You spend your whole life with one person-- experience all of the joys and hardships together-- and are expected not to kill each other. Huh.
Seriously though, I love my husband. I love him with every last fiber in my body. More than I ever thought I could love another human being. We have been together for nearly 7 years and I still get butterflies when I hear him coming home from work. We spend probably 70% of our time together kissing, cuddling, and otherwise entwined with each other. We make each other laugh constantly. I genuinely enjoy his company. And not a day goes by without him dipping me and kissing me at least once.
That being said, no relationship (or marriage) is perfect. I get a lot of tags on our photos together like #relationshipgoals or #perfectmarriage and they make me laugh sometimes. Of course all I show anyone publicly are the good times. Why would I post when I want to punch him in the face or back over him with my car? Don't worry-- these moments don't happen often. And I would never actually murder my loving husband. But no relationship is all puppy dogs and rainbows. We have dealt with jealousy, mistrust, miscommunication and other petty bullshit that humans put each other through. We have had a few screaming matches in our day. There was one night ever that we went to sleep in different rooms (later we decided this was really stupid and we never did it again). There are times when I just need to retreat to a room alone and cool down. Once or twice I have shown up on my best friends stoop crying.
These things are normal.
It is what happens in the aftermath that determine the feasibility of your relationship.
The one thing I can say above all, is that Trevor is an immaculate communicator. If something feels weird, or one of us is mad, or off-- he is the first to say "what is going on here? Let's talk about it." And getting from point A (the problem) to point B (the solution) isn't always easy and there are usually some speed bumps. But talking it through works 10 times out of 10.
I know I am lucky to have the man that I do. I know that a male communicator is a rare spectacle indeed. But I also believe that even if it doesn't come naturally to your man (or lady!), it is the trying that counts. A relationship is a 50/50 partnership between two people and it never works if both people don't both put in the work.
Not sure what the point of my post is today. I guess I just wanted to let you know that my husband is a rare gem and I love him to pieces.
But he is still a shithead.

17 comments:

  1. Cherry, I just want to say I LOVE these daily and honest posts. I already look forward to them every day. They make me feel less alone and less weird about my daily troubles, thoughts and feelings. You guys are the cutest couple ever, but it's good to know even you have had/have your struggles. Hope I'll get to meet and hug you when you're in Toronto! Lots of love :)

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    1. Thank you so much!! That is exactly my aim in life in everything I do, so you have made me feel very successful. I also hope to meet you on Toronto!

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  2. given the glimpse you've shown us on your youtube, i am without a doubt extremely happy for you two. i know i don't know you personally and I've only met you a couple of times but i feel like one of my good friends is happy with their relationship and it makes me happy. i'm weird like that i guess. :P. not every relationship is easy. if it was then it'll be just a boring one. you gotta have your ups and downs. (sorry i deleted my comment and added more to it )

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  3. "Marriage", eeeek! Actually, the more days I spend after the big question was popped I get more comfortable with the word. We're lucky to have cool guys that can keep up with our radness. And respect our need to go out and be dumbasses together every now and then.

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    1. And by "now and then" you mean "constantly"! Hahaha. Love you dude.

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  4. described perfectly. I feel the same with my hubby, its been hard at times, but with marriage its about weathering the storms and celebrating the sun. vicci xo

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  5. Yes! I have been married for 15 years! So many people think we have a perfect relationship.. We have an amazing relationship.. But not perfect! People need to realize fights happen! It's ok that they do-- as long as they are healthy non abusive fights-- there are times I can't stand him and he can't me.. But we work it out! We even looked to counseling when we hit a super low point. So many people just seem to call it quits when it gets hard, that makes me sad. Marriage is really hard, but it also really worth it!

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    1. Yes! As long as the fights aren't constant or constantly serious-- fighting is so normal.

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  6. I enjoyed this article so much! It is not that long when I started dating my boyfriend, we are really in early stage but I really love him (it´s the first relationship after years and I wouldn´t date someone who I wouldn´t love) but we already had some problems and difficulties. The other day I was talking to my mum about it and the first thing she said to me was something like "Really? Congratulations! Arguments are so important!" and I was confused, luckily it didn´t take me long to understand her point. :) And I see yours.

    Wish you all the best ♥

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  7. Great post Cherry - I wish my (ex)fiance had the courage of your husband to communicate & understand that conflict & issues are an inevitable part of the relationship commitment. Keep up the awesome work & posts - I love your page

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  8. Communication. Yes, you hit the nail on that. Being able to discuss the issues when they start bothering one of you will usually go better than holding it all in until one of you explode. You are absolutely correct, it isn't always rainbows and sunshine, what matters is how you work together to weather the storm. <3

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  9. Thank you for writing about marriage. I've been married for 9 months and it's been difficult at times. I got depressed a few months after I got married and that didn't help our marriage. But I'm lucky to have my husband who is better at communication than me at times and we manage to work it out. My rule now is to talk to him about my issues no matter how stupid they may be!

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  10. I love this post and I know that saying that a relationship is a 50/50 partnership, but what I think we should be saying is that it is actually a 100/100 partnership. - That's what each partner should put into a relationship, 100%! Whoooo!

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  11. Thanks for posting this, I really needed it. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years but this past year everything just went downhill and now we're trying to get our relationship back on track. With both of us struggling with mental health, that makes it even harder. Seeing that you two also have your struggles really helps remind me that no relationship is perfect and we can get our relationship back on track to even better than before. Thanks for your inspiration!

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Thank you so much for stopping by! Please be nice and kind with your words even if you have something to criticize. I am trying to answer to as many questions as possible but please have some understanding that I cannot answer to all of you. XOXO