Unfollowed.

I have never been the type of person that ever just wanted to be a pretty face with thousands of adoring fans telling me how perfect I am. I have always had really strong opinions and a giant mouth. I have always been unapologetic for taking a stance for the underdog and for my people. I have always been strongly outspoken on womens rights, LGBTQ rights, civil rights, environmental issues, health care, etc. This isn't new.

I know we all saw the Meryl Streep speech the other night. What I find so interesting is the backlash. I feel the same backlash on a much smaller scale-- but it still blows my mind. Why, just because someone is an artist, are they not entitled to opinions? Does being a public figure all of a sudden nullify any rights you have to being a human and having human emotions and thoughts? Is your doctor allowed to think and speak freely? How about your mechanic? How about a banker? Lawyer? Nail tech? Hair stylist? Can your neighbor express their thoughts as they see fit? I hope your answer to all of these is yes because we are all humans living in the free world.

Celebrities and artists have a bigger reach, yes. And they also have more influence, totally. And with that comes a great responsibility. But in my opinion the responsibility isn't to censor ourselves-- the responsibility is to speak out on the things that matter to us. If I make a post saying I will miss Obama and 500 Trump loving, gun toting, flag waving Republicans unfollow me... cool. If I make a post about gay rights and 1 person who thought being gay was wrong goes "wait! I really like Cherry and what she believes in, maybe I should take a second to rethink"... that one moment is worth those 500 lost "fans." I AM NOT YOUR PUPPET. I am not here to dance for you as you see fit.

I want to get one major point clear here-- I DO NOT DO WHAT I DO TO COLLECT FANS AND TO BE TOLD HOW GREAT I AM ALL OF THE TIME. Is it nice to hear nice things, of course!! Does it make my spirit soar when I get to hug a girl and she tells me my videos changed her life? YES! Am I going to cry myself to sleep because some girl that posts 1000 videos of contouring and looking "perfect" has about 15 times the following that I do? Nope. We all do what we do for our own reasons. I happen to want to share my passions-- which include both superficial and non-superficial topics.

Another point I feel strongly about-- my page is not your playground for "free speech." My pages are my online living room. If you walked into my living room and started attacking me and calling me names, I would gladly tell you to get out of my house. I have that same right online in my own space, just as you have that same right on yours. But just because my space is public, doesn't mean it isn't still mine.

I love when people leave comments to try to bait me and call me a whiny liberal baby and say I will probably delete their post because I can't handle an opposing opinion. And then I hit delete and laugh. I am all for differing opinions. It makes this world interesting and colorful. And I am all for well informed, educated arguments presented without attacking or name calling. I rarely delete comments from my page. But you better believe when some ignorant man calls me "a retarded bitch" for being sad that the Obamas are leaving office, he gets deleted and blocked. I don't encourage that behavior and will not dignify trolls like that with a second of my attention.

Lastly, if you find what I post SO offensive and distasteful that you cannot bear ONE more second of following me without perhaps dying... Feel free to just hit the unfollow button. Making a big dramatic announcement that you are unfollowing me will only be met with an eye roll and will only make you look silly. Exit with grace. Move on if you must.

All of that being said, I welcome anyone to follow me that likes the things that I post and is willing to skip past the things that they don't. I welcome open minded, free thinkers. I welcome anyone interested in engaging in respectful, adult conversations. If you want to see a pretty face with a vacant space between the ears and in their heart, I am not your girl. And that is ok.

I am a different flavor.

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New Year, New Stuff?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about materialism. I feel like we live in a modern society where "stuff" is valued beyond anything. I feel the pressure to keep up with other influencers that have the newest palettes or tools or enough clothing to do a new outfit everyday or whatever. I also feel the same pressure to just keep up in life with the stuff that everyone else has. The newest phone, the newest car, the biggest collection of vintage furniture/clothing/jewelry/etc.

I really sat down and thought hard about it the other day and I realized that even though I like stuff, and certain stuff is important to me, it is not stuff that makes me happy. Of course there are things that are basic human needs (food, water and shelter), and those things make me happy because they keep me alive and healthy. But I really think that we put too much emphasis and pressure on ourselves to collect things that really have no bearing on our true happiness.

This is my first blog of the year and I am going to challenge myself this year to work on figuring out what makes me truly happy, versus what I think makes me happy. Do I feel that moment of elation when I open a new box of shoes? Sure. But it is the same temporary brain spike that I get when I eat chocolate. It is temporary and it isn't real. It is like smiling without your eyes. It is surface happiness.

I am not saying that I am going to put all of my earthly belongings on craigslist tomorrow. I like my comforts and my things. I am just making a commitment to myself to put less pressure on myself to keep up with those around me and to flaunt what I have. I want a simpler life and I think this is a good first step.

Happy New Year babes.

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The Spark of Shopping is Gone

So today I went shopping for myself for the first time in as long as I can remember. I do get a lot of free clothing in the mail from companies and I just generally hate shopping so I rarely do it. I am the type of person that will find a pair of jeans that fit and buy 4 of them. Sometimes I feel like Homer Simpson-- with better hair. Today I was feeling bored with my closet so I thought I would explore the mall for Holiday sales and see if anything sparked my interest.
I happily stepped into the mall, filled with post Christmas cheer, enjoying all of the smiling faces and giant sale signs. But then I was quickly and forcefully reminded that I have recently gained some weight. And I instantly hated everything I put on. I hated the way everything made my butt look flat. I hated how everything squeezed me in the middle. I hate the dances I had to do to even wiggle into most of the pieces I chose. I hated looking at my body in the vicious 3 way mirror under the unforgiving fluorescent lighting.
Side note: why don't stores get better lighting in their dressing rooms??? Seems like good business sense to me. Do you want your customers to see every last teaspoon of cellulite on their bodies when they are trying on your dresses? Dummies.
So back to the matter at hand, shopping. I went to three different stores before I decided that no dress or pants on earth are ever going to look good on me again and I should just plunge myself from the top level of the mall. Then after a 1 minute and 37 second freak out, I walked myself down to the shoe department and bought myself sky high heels that I probably will never wear but make my ass and my legs look great.
I guess there is no moral to my story today. Just wanted to share how I am feeling and hope that it makes you gals feeling the same mall demoralization not feel so alone. I feel that all women, big or small, have these moments where your body just doesn't want to cooperate with what your heart deems to suit you. My best advice? Regroup and buy some shoes.

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The Age Old Question...Kids?

So since I took a long blog hiatus, I am going to come back with guns blazing and talk about the subject you guys are CONSTANTLY asking me about. Am I going to have kids?

Growing up, I never wanted kids. I never had that pull to be a mom or get married or really do any of the things that are expected from females. I just wanted to be happy. Whatever that meant.

In my mid 20s I started to think about kids. I started to really think about whether or not I wanted them since I could hear that clock ticking quietly in the background. When I met Trevor, the urge for children became stronger than I had ever experienced. It was like I was standing in a bell tower and the clock was ringing all around me. When we fell in love and got married and started our life, I could finally imagine being a mom. I could imagine us lying in bed with our little human between us-- sharing our little life that no one else could touch. I started to glamorize parenthood. Sunny park picnics. Smiley birthday parties. Baby milestones. It started to seem like something maybe I did want.
And then I started to travel a lot. And my friends started having kids. And all of that came to a screeching halt.

I hate crying babies. I hate changing diapers. I hate temper tantrums and food flung everywhere. I hate answering to anybody but me. I love my freedom. I love traveling. I love my quiets moments alone with Trevor. I love sleeping in. I love reading quietly before bed. I love going to dinner with friends and drinking wine and not being distracted. I love my life. Some people call it selfish-- I call it content.
Then I started panicking. But wait, if I don't have kids, who will take care of me when I am old?? What will my life MEAN?
And then my rational brain kicked in.

I know plenty of dickhead kids that hate their parents and are drug addicts and shysters. I know people that have straight up stolen from their dying parents. There is no guarantee that your kids will give a crap about you. There is no guarantee that even with kids, you won't still die alone. What a weird reason to have kids. Not only that, but they say that the average cost of raising a child to 18 years old is about $250,000. If I invested that in a retirement fund for the next 18 years... I WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE!! Seriously. Kids take all of your money.

As far as my life having meaning... My life has plenty of meaning. I feel that my life has been filled with dozens of personal and public successes. I have a man that loves me, and that I love intensely and fully. I have friends that are there always. I have a family that rules. I get to see the world. I have all of the things that I need in my life. And I have freedom. FREEDOM. To me, freedom is priceless. The freedom to be and do whatever I want. I can buy a plane ticket to India tomorrow if I want to. I can sleep until 5pm if I want. I can quit my job and be a street performer for the rest of my life if I want. I have no one depending on me. Which means the sky is the limit. I don't have to worry about providing food and shelter and education and healthcare to a little human.

Trevor is with me. He has told me so many times that if I want kids... he will love them and be the best dad ever. And if I don't... we will spend our lives together having adventures. He is basically leaving the decision to me. Let me tell you, this lovely way of thinking is NO help in my decision making. But lovely nonetheless.

Now here comes my disclaimer: having and/or wanting kids is not bad or wrong in any way. No way ma'am. I have lots of friends with kids that are perfectly happy and that are amazing parents with amazing kids. I also have friends that are miserable with kids that are little bastards and I am always relieved when I get to go home. But the beauty of our generation is we get the CHOICE. We get to choose to be parents, or not to be parents. And no choice is wrong. It annoys me and makes me sad when I get relentless comments from people asking me when we are having kids and if I say anything at all about possibly not wanting them, there is always the appalled "Why?" Why?? Because none of your business, that's why.

Here is one thing to remember when asking people about parenthood... Some people simply CANNOT have children. I have a few close friends that have struggled with fertility and hearing those questions always appalls me-- the lack of care and thought that comes along with them just kills me.

Fertility aside... A persons choice to be a parent is no ones business but their own.
And as of today do I want kids? Nope. Will it change tomorrow? Maybe. But right now I am happy and content with my choice. And if I get old and my eggs dry up and I always wonder what it would have been like to be a mom, I can always look back at the badass shit I got to do in my life and the man I get to have forever and know that I made my best choice.

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Day 110: Major Apologies (I Swear I Don't Think I am Super Cool)

Hello everyone! Sorry for the extended hiatus! I have been so busy traveling, and I leave for Italy again tomorrow! 

Just wanted to take a minute to write a blog and apologize for something that is very embarrassing and humbling. I have a TERRIBLE memory. Like, the worst ever. Trevor gets so frustrated with me because he will tell me something and an hour later he will have to remind me. I have a B12 deficiency which also does not help my memory at all.

Throughout the year, I travel so much and meet thousands of people and I try my best to remember everyone, but I just can't! At Viva, there were times that I met people, and then saw them a few hours later and already didn't remember meeting.

I promise I don't do this on purpose. I promise I do not think I am super cool or better than anyone.  So please, please do not hate me... I try my best to remember!

Oddly enough, I tend to remember girls not by their names or faces, but by their stories. It is how my brain associates things and keeps details in there. So if I only met you briefly and don't know anything about you, odds are my memory will go "NOPE!!" and erase you quickly. 

But just know... I love you all, and never mean to hurt anyones feelings or make anyone feel less important than they are. You all are absolutely the most important and without you, there would be no Cherry Dollface. Lots of love!!

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Day 48- The True Cost of Touring

So it doesn't happen often, but from time to time I have girls tell me that my tour prices are too expensive. This frustrates me for many reasons-- most of which is that I don't usually have time to fully lay out an explanation. So here goes.
Touring isn't cheap. I have to pay for flights, hotels, food, supplies (hair products, brushes, makeup), etc. This all comes out of pocket for me. Your ticket price is paying me directly for these costs. This goes double for classes that I do overseas. A lot of people in Europe and Australia don't understand just how expensive a round trip flight from here is. And that is one flight alone-- that doesn't count other flights/trains once I get there. When I get to the UK this summer, I am spending nearly a month there and hotels for a month alone are astronomical. Not to mention the fact that the pound is worth about 1.5 times the dollar so the exchange rate for me is pretty awful when I am buying pretty much everything in pounds. This is true for the reverse reason in Australia-- our dollar is worth about 1.5 times yours, which means that when I come home and exchange my earnings, I am losing a lot in the exchange.
Also keep in mind that this is a business, not a hobby. I pay taxes on all of my earnings as well-- which is another big chunk that doesn't come directly to me. Also when I am gone for a month, I still have to pay all of my bills-- rent, insurance, car insurance, utilities, etc. And when I am on the road, I have to eat out for pretty much every meal since I am rarely staying anywhere with a kitchen, nor do I have time to cook. I value myself more than eating fast food for a month straight, so eating nutritious meals 3x a day on the road also adds up. Remember too that every 4th day is a travel day-- which means airports-- which means extra pricey food/water.
I have not set out to swindle anybody. I am not charging any more than other people that do what I do. I actually looked into taking a class with a hairstylist that I follow recently and he charges $400 per person for his classes. The thing about classes and shoots is that they are a luxury-- not a necessity. I am not charging you a premium for water or shelter. I am charging you a fair price for a service that you can choose to accept-- or not. You wouldn't walk into a boutique and tell them that their shoes are too expensive and that they should lower the price for you. I would love to be independently wealthy and travel the world on my own dime and give away all of my knowledge and skills for free. But unfortunately that isn't my life.
I try to give at least 6 months notice before my tours start so that if girls are interested in booking with me, they have time to save. If you want to book the class at $75 (or £85 if you are in the uk) and you have 6 months to save, you only have to save $12.5 a month. That is a few cups of coffee. I have had girls ask for my class or shoots as birthday/christmas gifts. I have had girls do all kinds of things to make it to see me and take part in my activities. And I love each and every one of you for it.
I do my best to put out free content all over the internet. On youtube alone you can find over 300 videos for free that teach all kinds of things. I answer all of my emails and help however I can. I answer thousands of questions and comments. I do everything I can to make girls feel awesome about themselves. I don't charge girls for every single little thing I do. But my tours are my tours and they come at a cost. This cost has been carefully planned to cover all kinds of factors and it won't change. When girls stop booking my classes, I will stop touring and move onto my next project. But for right now, this is my job, and I take it seriously.
Please don't make me feel guilty for trying to earn an honest living. I do my best to make it fair.

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Day 43- I Can't

I know that when I put my opinions in the universe, I will receive mixed feedback. I know that sometimes I post things that are controversial. I know that I am bad at biting my tongue. I am a mind speaker. I defend myself. And I try to combat ignorance.  But I also try to promote diversity and kindness. I do my best. I am human. This week has been a trying week and I am just tired. Really tired. And I am also tired of friends emailing me privately to tell me that they agree with the things I speak on-- but no one speaks out publicly. So frustrating. I don't have it in me to post from the heart today. So I am going to curl up with some salty snacks and Real Housewives and call it a week. XOXO

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Day 27- Quelling the Overshare Beast

I know I put a lot of personal stuff on the internet. Maybe more than I should. I have friends that are ultra private and won't even put their kids faces on social media. And part of me admires that attitude. But I have always tended to be the opposite. I blame live journal. If I experience something great (or something bad) I want the whole world to share in my wonderment! I just ate a burrito the size of my head! Instagram! I just saw a guy riding a unicycle with one leg in London! Facebook! I just killed a grizzly bear with my bare hands! Twitter!
I think it is such a strange concept to be a "public figure" since the advent of the internet. I mean, I basically owe my entire career to the world wide web, so I can't hate on it too much. But I also feel that the longer I allow my entire life to be public, the more intrusive I feel the internet can be.
The more of your life you give to people, the more of your life people feel entitled to. I made a video about our wedding... and mind you, I also shared a lot of details about my planning beforehand... but I wanted our vows to be private. When I expressed this feeling, I had a good amount of my followers get upset because they somehow felt that I owed that part of my life to them. I was so bewildered! Here I was pouring almost my whole life out to the internet and it wasn't enough! WE WANT MORE!! A good explanation of how it feels is feeling like people literally want to wear your skin. Would that be enough though??
When I first started navigating the world of being a social media influencer, I shared everything. EVERYTHING. At some moments Trevor would grab my hand and say "Can this just be for us?" He was really good at quelling my overshare beast. But just in this list year, I have self quelled a lot. I am starting to like the feeling of being out and not always thinking of how to capture what I am doing for you guys-- and instead just enjoying myself, my family and my friends.
You guys have probably noticed less day in the life videos and also less personal instagram posts. I like not having to remember to always pack my camera when I am going on vacation. I like not having to set up a selfie at just the right moment with the right lighting when I am trying to experience something new or share a moment with Trevor. I feel like it is healthier for me as a human to start to draw these lines. Ironically I am telling you all of this on my super personal blog. Ha! But I have full control here. And I compose these blogs when I have time and energy and I can think about them. And I still get to choose what and how much to share. I like that control.
Next time you get on a site like Perez Hilton (I know, I am guilty too), or you pick up a Star Magazine, or you watch Inside Edition... Remember that these people you are so starved to know every detail about are just that, people. Gwen Stefani's divorce is none of our business. Kristin Bell's kid is none of our business. David Bowie's cancer was none of our business. Remember that even though you WANT this information, you are not ENTITLED to this information.
The same goes for social media influencers. Yes, we share a lot of our lives. And even if you feel that we share all of it, so you should have access to all of it, we don't and you shouldn't. A lot of editing goes into our posts. For so many reasons!
My blog sort of has ADD today. But I guess my point is that I will give you guys as much of me as I possibly can. I will be real and authentic and I will not censor myself. But please don't bleed me dry. I am still just
a person.

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Day 26- Aging Gracefully

So today I had a facial laser treatment done called Clear+Brilliant. This is my second treatment and I am pretty stoked. Basically it helps with fine lines, wrinkles, dark spots, acne scars... and it just generally brightens up your complexion. My favorite thing it has done so far is lighten my freckles!! Yes!
I was offered these treatments by a company in exchange for YouTube videos as a trade. They are expensive and a little painful and I am not sure I would have taken the leap into the world of medical treatments had it not have been for the opportunity sort of landing in my lap. This office also does a bevy of other treatments-- Juvederm, Botox, Velashape... you name it, they have it. And I do definitely feel that once you start getting treatments that make you feel good, you start thinking about other treatments that might make you feel even better!
So where is the line?
Honestly, I don't judge anyone that does anything to themselves. Fillers, tattoos, implants, plastic surgery. Whatever. It's your body honey! Who am I to judge?? I do also believe that some people do these things for the right reasons and some people do these things because of societal pressures and mental disorders. But again... I haven't walked a mile in your shoes.
I myself feel that there is a fine line between light upkeep and going overboard. This is totally a personal feeling about what is right for me. I know I won't ever get plastic surgery. Having heart surgery twice in my early 20's scared me enough and I don't think I could ever do that electively. Fillers and injectables and laser treatments (oh my!) are another world. Obviously I am not against laser treatments. But even those aren't invasive. At most it feels like a sunburn for a day and then you are back to normal. And it doesn't change the shape of your face. It just brightens your skin a little. Fillers and injectables scare me. I see SO many young girls getting lip fillers and botox when they don't need it and honestly I just think it looks kind of weird. The nurse at my office told me she has 16 year old girls going in there for preventive Botox and lip fillers and they jones like addicts when they haven't been in a while. She said one girl was like "I need my syringe!" And once you pass a point, everyone kind of starts to look the same. You see it a lot in LA. All of these mid 40's women that look like the exact same person. My gym is crawling with them.
Are there things I don't like about my face? Of course! Do I wish my lips were fuller? Oh my god yes! But I really love that my face is my own unique face. And I would be horrified if I impaired my face and it turned out badly when I have a perfectly fine face to start with. I do like to use makeup and clothing and accessories to jazz myself up. I like to be able to be a chameleon and change how I look. But I also like to wash it off at the end of the day, look in the mirror, and see me. The same face I have looked at for the last 33 years. If I can stave off some wrinkles with a little face cream or a laser treatment or two, fine. And who knows... maybe in another 10 years I will be a Botox fanatic. But for right now, I will embrace the way I am aging.
And that one little smile line on the left side of my mouth is staying no matter what. I earned that sucker.

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Day 14- Finding my Place

Oh hi guys. This is officially the start of my second week as a blogger. I did it!
If you guys follow me on youtube, you probably saw the video I posted this week about feeling a little lost. Around the holidays I started getting sucked under by depression and anxiety about where my future is headed. I am generally a pretty positive person, but man, I was struggling bad!
Doing what I do is fun-- it is! But it is also monumentally stressful. Every single morning that I wake up I think "Ok, how am I going to pay my bills this week." I have my hand in multiple honey pots trying to make it all work. And for the most part, I have an amazing time and feel like what I am doing is worthwhile.
It is just the adulating part of it that is stressful. Anyone that works for themselves or  works freelance understands this struggle. No health insurance. No 401k. No paid vacation. No sick days. No job security. It is a scary world! It is also kind of stressful trying to be everywhere all at once. I answer all of my emails, most of my comments, all of my messages... Plus trying to book all of my tours, film and edit my videos, etc. It is a lot of work for one solitary person with no assistant!
I have ridden the youtube wave for the last few years. And when I started, there was a lot of money to be made in the land of youtube. But in the last few years, youtube has changed how they distribute advertising money and the funds are being stretched too thin for the average person to really profit anymore. If you are thinking of quitting your day job to be a youtube millionaire, I would advis
e another hair brained scheme. I started doing my hair and makeup tours as a way to meet all of the lovely ladies that follow me and also to supplement my income. For a few years it was great!
But now I feel that all of this is starting to slow down a little. And I am stuck with that age old question... what is next??
I have a business degree (and a drug and alcohol counseling degree) and honestly I have no urge (or financial ability) to go back to school ever. A lot of people suggested opening a brick and mortar store selling rockabilly stuff and my vintage clothing that I sell on etsy. This would be great if I lived in the Midwest where rent is basically nothing. But I live in LA where rent can be $10k a month. I just can't afford to open a store-- as fun as it would be!
I know there is no quick and easy answer. I did enjoy reading a lot of the suggestions I got on youtube though. And some of them actually did give me some new ideas.
Who knows where life will take me. My anxiety has started to get better though. I know whatever I do, I will land on my feet. And if I lose everything and become homeless, I can live with you guys right?

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Day 3- Pressures to be "Perfect"

Today my nails are chipped. And that's ok. The world keeps turning.
Today I want to talk about the pressure to be put together and perfect 24/7. I think this is a pressure that many women feel, but I especially started feeling it when my following started to grow. Being stopped on the street for pictures made me start to think "Oh God! What if I haven't plucked my eyebrows or I have a giant pimple and someone posts a photo of me! Gasp!" I spent a few years making sure that I was perfectly coifed every time I left the house. Even if I was just running to the post office. Just in case.
Then I started going to the gym regularly. And this cycle became more difficult and more stressful. The first time I was asked for a photo at the gym, I felt like I was having a panic attack. WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK?? But I will never be the asshole that refuses a picture for my own insecurities so I did it. And no one said a dang thing. And my life kept right on trucking.
One day I realized that I can't sacrifice fun things and my own health just to be pretty all of the time. Seriously. How dumb is that? If girls want to gossip and say that I am not as pretty in real life... well then, so be it. I would rather girls say that I am really nice when they gossip. And they WILL gossip. It takes a lot of work to be put together all of the time. And that work takes a lot of time. And that is time that could be spent cuddling my husband, or reading a great book, or cooking a delicious meal, or working on my fitness.
Not to say that I don't like to be "pretty"-- I do! And I still love slaving over my face to look like a perfect pinup. But I just don't feel like I HAVE to. And that's a pretty awesome feeling.

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